If you’ve been working on an attitudinal or behavioural shift by using tools like meditation for a while you may already be experiencing increased space in your response to things that used to cause you pressure, stress or anxiety.
I’ve recently remembered that these tools like meditation and physical exercise, taking up a hobby and other things that shift my perspective is like having a power tool added to my belt.
So, how can I pro-actively use this new tool rather than it be a responsive thing?
Some develop vision boards and goal setting. But as usual I like to explore a bit of the shadow-self. So I’ve finally after a few years of procrastination decided to write that list of my fears (which lets face it is based upon things I really want in my life but feel blocked around) and start to explore what sits behind those fears.
This isn’t a biography, just 1-2 lines on each process of reflection.
Doing this simple list, and the list behind that list, is fabulous because what has sat in my conscious as my initial fear usually is what has developed from past experience. The list of fears behind those fears may be considered the ‘boogey-man’ of my psyche. So lets call this the past.
But the power tool now comes in. What I haven’t counted on consciously is the resource that meditation has developed – pause & reflection. Or what exercise has developed – patience and endurance. So the third list I now write is what is a less ‘doomsday’ perspective of the original fear today. What experiences have I had recently since my new practices or say even therapy that has allowed me a 180-degree view of the same fear? That new perspective can now consciously be anchored into my psyche and I effectively call in change actively into these areas of my life.
This isn’t rocket science. But it is for those of us stuck in old familiar patterns seeking a new way of life. It isn’t something I can take credit for. This approach has been used by 12-step programs for years and perhaps more wisely comes in at step 4 after a fair bit of time has been spent on the other first 3 steps that asks for a bit of ego reduction (ok a lot). There’s something powerful in allowing for a belief that there’s something outside of my own psyche that may know better than the stuck beliefs I’ve been carrying around for 40 years.
If you haven’t done a list of your fears before and feel game, and you know you’ve been working on developing a better quality of life for yourself by increased self-care it may be worthwhile to have a go at seeing if your true present day self really still holds firm to those fears or whether there’s a new experience of life creeping in that you can harness to be fear-less. The old fear may never go away entirely, but sometimes just a little space from that belief is enough for a miracle in your personal life.
Author: Monique Kalmar
Life / Executive Coach