Selffulness
“First we need to realise the loss of Self. Then we need to act to reclaim it. This is the act of Selffulness. Realisation comes from inspiration, which is the most powerful motivation for change. To be inspired is alchemy, a process whereby a catalyst activates and awakens that which is dormant and turns it into gold. Find your treasure”.
As infants we are born into a world with the ability to just ‘be’ in pure freedom. Our caregivers revel at us in awe at our innocence and freedom, and instinctively feel our survival needs, swiftly tending to our vulnerability with complete attentiveness. We as new arrivals, experience nothing more than bliss as we are allowed to express our needs openly and often.
Over time our caregivers eventually become overwhelmed and struggle with the responsibility that is endowed upon them. The adult’s needs begin to compete with the child’s needs. Healthy loving limits may begin to be replaced by acts of neglect or oppression. As children, we are slowly taught that being self-“ish” is wrong; that to honour our Self first is egotistical, self-centred and unacceptable.
In an effort to begin our social schooling, our ‘other’ focus, starts to create a shift in priority from our newly formed ‘Self’. Society then begins to join in and will begin to dictate the task of turning our true ‘Self’ outward; creating a societal being, ready to be of service. This in turn, causes us to slowly, painfully dismiss and forget who and what we are. Our true Self, so full of expectation and unconditional love, becomes defined, boxed in, judged and limited in its potential.
We are repeatedly told ‘no’, ‘you cant’ and ‘you must’, and an internal conflict begins to grow, as our sense of fulfillment and personal power diminishes. What was once seen as cute is now wrong. We don’t understand and we fight to retain our power. Our ‘Self ‘ is systematically told to forget that unconditional feeling, replacing it with the duty of a physical world. Eventually we fall in line and march in tune in that obligatory tunnel of conformity.
As we grow we are left with an empty lacking feeling that we don’t really understand. In an effort to fill this void, and avoid the pain, we begin to rebel against this painful feeling. We act out and distract ourselves by eating more, drinking more, working more, consuming more. We fill up our time with activities, distractions and substances that leave us vacant and alone.
What we are yearning for is to reclaim what we have allowed to be stolen from our Self. As we can now realise the learnt path that we have journeyed with the naïve masses, we can begin to steer ourselves back to our true potential and claim back our Self. We can then express and contribute our talents outwardly and discover our true purpose. First we need to realise the loss of Self. Then we need to act to reclaim it. This is the act of Selffulness. Realisation comes from inspiration powerful motivation for change. To be inspired is alchemy, a process whereby a catalyst activates and awakens that which is dormant and turns it into gold. Find your treasure.
Written by: David Kalmar
Psychologist