Articles

“There’s great liberation from hibernation.”

 

If you google the definition of ‘Expectation’ this is what you will find:

– A strong belief that something will happen or be the case “reality had not lived up to expectations”.
– A belief that someone will or should achieve something “students had high expectations for their future“.
– Supposition, assumption, belief, presupposition, presumption, conjecture, surmise, reckoning, calculation, prediction, forecast, projection
– Anticipation, expectancy, eagerness, hope, hopefulness, excitement, suspense 
”his body grew tense with expectations”.

Doesn’t exactly promote R&R does it?

Following the introspection and hibernation that winter can bring, spring has always felt to me the arrival of potential that has been brewing through winter. ‘Spring-cleaning’ de-cluttering wardrobes, desks, to-do lists and opening up space to what following months will bring. In my case, it will be a new addition to the family. Baby number three completing our family.

In the beginning of 2016 I was begging the universe for some stillness after a massive amount of change – renewing our ten year wedding vows, an eight week trek through Asia with our 2 and 3.5yr old boys, buying and moving into a new home. It was enough. At the time I had no idea of the surrender and patience that I’d require to ‘wait out’ the winter months feeling no goals driving me into the unknown. The surrender of the past few months has been challenging due to the expectations I had of myself and what achievement should look like, and yet again I fell into the 40+ women’s trap of thinking having a baby isn’t enough; that I should be more economically productive.

Luckily, I know these days when I’m constructive to the point of self-destructive (helped along by my psychologist husband who can happily provide this feedback when sought!). I did slow down and let go of these expectations, that usually feels to me like giving up on my hopes. I tell myself expectations are helpful for when in reality they can completely stress me out. Having a vision great, but expectations are way more driven in my case and I tend to not realise this until I’m forced to let go.

The turning point from within this prolonged practice of ‘doing nothing’ is that I got so sick of my expectations driving me crazy that I had to throw them out the proverbial window.

And you know what the deal is? That in this space opening up (I tend to revert back to this theme as I find most of the work I do myself leads up to this opening and miracles happen) I found myself creating a project that I have been wanting to do for 4 years and have been completely terrified of tackling. The letting go of expectations meant I had some time freed up and an email appeared in my inbox inviting me to participate in a 4-day workshop that resulted in my first project coming into existence. In my case this was my first short film that I’ve written, produced, acted in, and directed.

So, I’m discovering that by surrendering the fear that comes with expectations, and becoming open to embrace unfamiliar territory, opportunities arise and good things do happen if I let them. There’s great liberation coming from hibernation.

Written by: Monique Kalmar

Executive / Life Coach

Psychology Pathways